I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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