Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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