WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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