He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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