Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
two words: eviction party
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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