Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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