pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Girls should come with a carfax report
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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