Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize