arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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