i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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