I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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