i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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