Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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