I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Are my feet made of real feet?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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