Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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