I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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