I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
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I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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