we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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