I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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