You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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