There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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