My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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