wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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