So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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