Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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