I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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