erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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