how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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