Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
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So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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