I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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