oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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