oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dignity is for republicans.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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