Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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