they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
