Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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