Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
