hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had sex on a roof
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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