ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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