Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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