it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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