His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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