She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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