my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Bring me that man meat
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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