the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
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Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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