There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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