last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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