I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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