It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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