Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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