The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize