The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
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Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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