This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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